The Naughty List
by KimberleyIonaSmith
Summary: Slightly out of character, gently adult themes, a bit of Christmassy role play to get us all in the festive spirit.
1. Chapter 1

Rose started it.

She insisted that Renesmee should have a trip to Santa's Grotto and, since it wasn't exactly easy for us to take a family trip to the lo mall, she hired a Santa's outfit. Alice spent days decorating the grotto with animatronic polar bears and thousands of twinkly lights. Emmett got to wear the suit.

I think Edward was a little bit jealous at first, he would have liked to be Santa. Alice calmed him down somehow, assuring him that he was going to enjoy the next few days very much indeed.

And we did enjoy ourselves very much, taking our little girl to see Santa. I held one of her hands, Edward held the other, and she skipped her way to the grotto. Nessie oohed and ahhed over the lights and loved the polar bears. She was amazed when she saw Santa, and tightened her grip on our hands for a moment. But he soon won her over, Santa assured Nessie that she was the very top of the Nice List, and gave her a teddy bear. She snuggled on his lap then, and chatted about all the gifts that we all wanted for Christmas.

Emmett kept the suit and - from the sound of things - he and Rosalie had a lot of less family-friendly fun with it. Emmett loved that suit and - as far as anyone can tell from the new bed on order - Rose loved it too.

As a family we definitely over-share, so Rose and Emmett's escapades gave me some ideas. That helped me formulate a plan that I'd been toying with since talk of Santa began. I got my own suit (there are some things even we don't share), sent Nessie to spend a night with her aunt and uncle, left Edward a note, and waited for him.

Edward arrived in the grotto, looking a little bemused. Then he saw my outfit and he grinned broadly.

"Merry Christmas, love," he said, walking in much faster.

I didn't grin back, "you look surprisingly cheerful, young man. Do you not know who I am?"

He shook his head.

"My name is Mrs Claus," I said. Then, in my attempt at a bored tone, I asked, "name?"

Edward barred his head smartly, "Edward Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

"Really?" I said, attempting to sound unimpressed, "I doubt thst. I suppose you don't know why you've been summoned here tonight."

"I'm afraid I don't, ma'am," Edward said, looking around the room and clearly trying to guess where I was going with this little game.

I rolled my eyes, as if I had many more of these interviews to get through. "Well, Santa is very busy at this time of year, so I like to help out a little. One of his jobs is to take care of the naughty and nice lists."

"Ah," I could see that Edward had worked the scene out now. He stood up a little straighter and put his hands smartly behind his back.

"This is the checking part. Would you like to guess which list you're on?" I asked.

The full scene clicked into place abd Edward swallowed. He bowed his head and looked up through his eye lashes, very sweetly indeed. "I have a terrible feeling that I might be on the Naughty List, ma'am," he said.

I tutted, "there's no might about it. You've been something of a handful this year, and not nearly admiring enough of your wife."

Edward broke role for a second, giving me a confused look, "seriously?" he said, "is that what you're going with?" I usually complained when he complimented me, and had told him several times that it was ridiculous for him to admire me so much. But, then, I have to keep him on his toes. The game is only fun if Edward's wrong-footed from time to time.

"Well," I said, "now you're in trouble for back chat too. Any more smart remarks to make?"

He bit his lip and shook his head.

"Alright, then," I went on. "Now, as things stand, you're due for a stocking full of coal. That is the traditional consequence for naughty boys."

"Yes, ma'am," Edward agreed, meekly.

"But, you do have one more option available to you. It would be a real shame for your wife if she couldn't spoil you at Christmas. There's such a lovely stocking full of presents set aside for you, too. So, I could give you a suitable punishment now, and you could go ahead with a very merry Christmas. Would you like that?"

Edward was smirking, but he kept his eyes on his feet and said, "yes, please, Ma'am."

"Very well, get yourself over here, then, and be quick about it. I have a lot of naughty bottoms to spank tonight."

Obediently, Edward came forward.

"I'm sorry to put you to so much trouble, ma'am. I wouldn't mind a very short spanking," he said, "since you are so busy, ma'am."

I laughed, "you are a very cheeky boy, your wife should put you over her knee more often."

"Probably, ma'am," he agreed.

"You needn't worry," I said, "there's plenty of time to give you a thorough spanking. That's the magic of Christmas."

"Oh, good," said Edward dryly.

He stood smartly by my side and let me fold him over my lap. I pulled down his pants and his underpants and gave him a light swat.

Edward wiggled a bit, so I made the next swat a bit harder. This time he held still.

I dealt out a few more sharp smacks.

Edward said, "thank, you, ma'am."

I could hear desire in his voice, very thinly veiled in submission.

"I have half a mind to slip a whip in your stocking anyway," I said, "cheek like yours probably needs more frequent spankings."

"Yes, ma-ow!-am," Edward replied, struggling to speak through another swat.

I gave him a few more smacks, not too hard, just enough to make him whistle. Then I paused.

"I hope you've learnt your lesson," I said with mock sternness, accentuating my words with another smack.

"I hope so too, ma'am," Edward replied.

"And you'll be extra polite in future?" I said, with another smack for punctuation.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Any more cheeky remarks to make?" I said, with a couple of swats.

"No, ma'am." Edward shook his head eagerly against my leg, "I will endeavour to improve my manners and cease all cheeky remarks forthwith, ma'am."

"And take care to show your wife plenty of love?"

"Oh, yes, ma'am, I swear it!" Edward said earnestly. He didn't really believe that I wanted him to stop making cheeky remarks, that was obviously just part of the game. But he was always unsure whether or not he was a loving enough husband towards me.

I gave him a slightly harder smack, he kicked his legs out and said, "ow!" in surprise.

I giggled.

"Well, then," I said more warmly, "and how are you going to do that?"

"Ma'am?"

"Show me how you are going to show your wife that you love her."

Edward wriggled off my lap, gave his rear end a quick rub, and grinned at me.

"As you wish, ma'am," he said, slipping between my thighs instead of over them.

Now Edward loves me very much, and he is - in point of fact - very good indeed at showing it. He is incredibly skillfull with his tongue, and he was very eager to please. In only a couple of minutes, I had forgotten my role altogether and cried out, "oh, Edward, you are very, very good!"

He sat back on his heels for a moment and smirked, "thank you, ma'am."


	2. Chapter 2

The night after my escapade as Mrs Claus, I had a follow-up game planned. It can be hard to keep the excitement going in an eternal marriage, so I didn't want to waste a brilliant opportunity.

I waited until Nessie was fast asleep and Edward and I were alone in our room.

Lying on our bed, I asked him casually, "where did you get to last night?"

Edward looked confused, "what do you mean? I was with you. It was last night when you left that note on my piano and . . ."

I interrupted him, "I didn't leave you any note last night."

He grinned, obviously assuming that I wanted to enjoy the memory of last night by having him tell me the story. Sometimes we did talk about the games we had played and enjoy them for a second time.

"My mistake," he said. "Last night I found a mysterious note asking - well, more ordering really - me to attend the grotto."

I nodded. Edward climbed onto the bed with me and lay down on his side.

"Naturally," he went on, "I obeyed instantly and trotted off to Santa's grotto. Once I got there I found Mrs Claus, who was really very stern." He kissed my neck and began to run his hand up and down my leg. He loved being my naughty little boy. "She told me that I was on the naughty list and scolded me for being such a bad boy. She made me promise to be a good boy for you, my love, and to make you very happy indeed." His hands were not so much wandering as marching rapidly to their destination.

I slipped out of his way and rolled on top of him, pinning his hands above his head. Edward looked up at me hungrily.

"Is that all?" I asked, "she just scolded you?"

Edward bit his lip, and looked delectable. "Well, no," he admitted, "she also put me over her knee and gave me a well-deserved spanking." He paused, before adding, "She did say that you should probably spank me more often, to stop me being so cheeky."

I laughed, did he want to play again already? I slid off him and sat on the edge of the bed.

Without any further invitation, Edward lay over my lap.

I gave him a few light swats.

"Did she indeed?" I asked, "do you think that I should spank you more often?"

"You should discipline me as you see fit," he answered meekly. Edward does meek so well!

"Hmm . . . maybe I should just spank you every day, first thing in the morning, to remind you to behave yourself," I suggested, absentmindedly swatting his backside as I spoke.

Edward arched himself up in the perfect position for spanking. He was enjoying himself.

"Is that all that happened, yesterday?" I went on, "you visited Mrs Claus, she scolded you and warmed your backside up. Was that it?"

Suddenly, Edward tensed. We both knew that a spanking was most definitely not all that he'd got from 'Mrs Claus' last night. Obviously, I knew precisely what had happened. But, if we were still talking about Mrs Claus in the third person, that meant . . .

I dealt a handful of slightly harder swats, just enough to make his ass sting. Edward gasped at the smacks and the twist this scene had taken.

"Please!" he said. "I'm beginning to think I made a big mistake, and starting to feel genuinely scared."

I gave him one last hard smack, then said "go on."

"Er. . . last night . . . I showed Mrs Claus how I planned on pleasing you, Bella, love."

I chuckled and cracked my hand down on his very eager bottom a few more times. Edward was stretching up to meet my hand, urging me to be a bit harsher.

"Did you run the hoover round, put on a load of washing, demonstrate your helpfulness around the house?" I asked, cruelly, "or was it something else?"

He whimpered then. He usually enjoyed the teasing and trying to wheedle out if these play punishments, but he didn't want to have been unfaithful, not even in role play.

So I helped him along, "Edward, did you spend last night fucking Mrs Claus?"

I had to give him a handful of encouraging swats before he answered.

Eventually he stammered out, "well, yes, but at the time . . . um . . . I thought that she was you."

"That," I said, bringing my hand down fast, "is a terrible excuse."

Edward gave a little moan, he wasn't sure what to say any more. He was still enjoying his spanking, but it was starting to feel a bit too deserved. He was on the brink of worrying that I was genuinely mad at him. What if yesterday had been some kind of a faithfulness test, and he'd failed?

"Alright," I said, giving him a good hard smack, "you know that you belong to me, right?"

"Oh! Yes, Bella, entirely to you, I swear it!"

"Did you make Mrs Claus happy last night, dear?"

He grimaced, I gave him a bit more stinging encouragement and he gasped, "yes, Bella, I . . ."

I cut him off quick, before he got so caught up in this role that he actually apologised for pleasuring me. I gave him a swat hard enough to stop him speaking.

Edward whimpered, he was torn between enjoying the memory and fearing the idea of having cheated. I smacked him just a couple more times. Then I said, severely, "well, there's only one thing for it." I pushed him off my lap.

Edward fell to the floor, and caught himself on his hands and knees. In his grovel-ready position, he looked up at me nervously and said "what's that?"

"You'll just have to make me a lot happier than you made Mrs Claus, won't you?"

Edward smiled in relief and excitement, "yes, my love," he said, "that I can do."

He did make me very happy indeed, many, many times. Making love to a flustered vampire, desperate to prove his love for you, is a pretty wonderful Christmas present.

Finally, we were lying in a tangle of arms and legs, satisfied and snuggly.

"Was that alright?" I asked.

Edward laughed, "alright?" He said, "Bella, my love, that was amazing!"

"You were a bit upset about the cheating accusation," I reminded him.

"Mmm," he sighed appreciatively, "that was terrifying. But, a very nice kind of terrifying." Then he heard himself and scowled a bit. "I don't mean that I like the idea, at all. I really, really hate it and would never be unfaithful to you, at all, ever! But, the thrill of getting caught . . . er . . . I liked that a lot."

"You like me setting you up?" I asked him.

Embarrassed, Edward gave up and his his face against my back, "too strange?" he mumbled into my skin.

I laughed, "nope, I just wanted to check before I do it again."

"Mmmm," Edward sighed again, "I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

Christmas day came, and, of course, it was a family event.

We trimmed the tree, we sang carols, we all wore ridiculous sweaters. And, of course, we all had stockings.

As we walked in to the living room, where all the stockings were hung over the fire, I watched Edward's face. I saw the very moment that he noticed it. One last irresistible surprise, peeping cheerfully over the top of his stocking.

He had walked into the room smiling, calm, happy, thinking mainly of Nessie and how happy she was today. But, when he saw what was sticking out of his stocking, his eyes widened in surprise. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but remembered who else was in the room and clamped it shut quickly. Then he looked over to me and raised a single eyebrow. I grinned at him and watched him trying not to smirk back. He had that delicious look in his eyes, nervous and excited all at once. Wondering what was in store for him and hoping it was happening soon.

I did have some great plans with his present. Plans to make Edward shiver a little and plans to get him to whimper for me. I love the soft whimper he makes when he's just the tiniest bit scared. And for Edward, well, I think it's a bit like a roller coaster or a ghost train. He loves the thrill of a game just this side of frightening.

Had we been alone, I might have asked him to hand over his unwrapped gift, enjoying the way he would squirm if he had to hold it in his hand, feeling the weight of it, and the enticing way it flexed. But I had limits on what we should do in public. Just having the thing in plain sight was going to make Edward squirm plenty.

Of course it couldn't be a secret, not right there in the living room, surrounded by our family. It was Jasper who noticed next, perhaps he was alerted by a slight (or not so slight) lust spike in our area of the room.

He looked at Edward's stocking, saw the unwrapped gift, then he looked at me.

"Why, Bella," he said, "that may be red with white stripes, but it is certainly not candy."

"Of course not," I said, "Edward doesn't like candy."

Edward's eyes flashed to mine, full of desire and a tiny bit of fear. He hadn't yet decided whether or not he liked this kind of cane either. Though I was pretty confident that I could persuade him to like it very much.

Then he turned, irritably, towards his brother. Jasper smiled innocently. Edward growled, he hated people - especially his brothers - commenting on his intimate relationship with me. Our games were a sort of open secret. They all knew what we got up to, with our vampire super senses some things are hard to miss; but, most of the time, we all pretended that we didn't know the intimate details of one another's lives.

Jasper smirked at his discomfort. Probably toying around with a few more teasing comments. The more spiky Edward got, the funnier his brothers found it to tease him.

But it was Christmas, and I didn't want Jasper ruining Edward's good mood. So I decided to put a quick stop to Jasper's remarks. "Are you jealous, Jasper?" I asked him, "I'm sure that I could order another one for you."

Jasper chewed his lip and glanced over to see if Alice had anything to say about that idea. She didn't bother to speak up, so Jasper looked a little more nervous. There was no way that Alice would ever spank Edward, she saw him as her brother, and, besides, I was fiercely protective of him. I played games that made him a little nervous, but nothing more than that. Alice was a different matter, however. When she played with Jasper, it could get rough and it could get serious. I wouldn't be surprised if Alice did think it was funny to let me loose on Jasper, and I don't think that he would be either. Alice couldn't have threatened Edward with a swat on the backside, he would know that she would never follow through. I, on the other hand, could keep Jasper guessing.

"Thank you, kindly," he said to me, "but I would really rather you didn't?" He managed to make his statement sound like a question. He was obviously wondering whether there was in fact one of these seasonal canes somewhere waiting for him.

Edward chuckled then. He liked how wary Jasper was around me. Having me around had shifted the relationship arrangement in the family, and - most of the time - Edward loved the new setup. He was particularly fond of having someone on his side. There were few things that made him happier than seeing me scold his big brothers (and, naturally, I did those things for him too).

Alice tutted, "Jazzy's been a very good boy this year," she said, wrapping him up in her arms, and sitting them both down on the sofa to open their stockings, "Santa has given him lots of presents."

Jasper leaned into Alice's side. Soothed now that he knew he wasn't winding up on the receiving end this time.

I nodded, "Edward's got plenty of presents, too," I said, "he's been mostly good." I sat down in a chair with my stocking on my lap and Nessie ran over to perch on the chair's arm.

Edward came over and sat at my feet, snuggling against my leg. "Mostly good?" he echoed.

"Yep," I said, carefully taking the cheery cane out of his stocking and slipping it into my pocket for later (the decorations would be up till Epiphany, so there were still a few days left for a bit of seasonal fun, and I was rather looking forward to trying my new toy out). Edward gave a slight sigh of relief, he hadn't wanted to handle my toy himself. I ruffled his hair fondly, "mostly good," I said again, "and entirely mine."


End file.
